Kanye On The Paparazzi (Warning: CAPS Are Involved)

November 15, 2008 / Posted by:

Kanye West pressed the CAPS lock key on his MacBook Air and put his fingers to work today on a blog rant dedicated to the paparazzi and their SQUID BRAINS. His entire post is after the jump, but it’s a lot to take in. When I start to read a Kanye post, I have to massage my temples, give them a pep talk, play some Enya, light some incense and carefully go in. If I don’t do all that shit, my eyes will have seizures and my one working brain cell will start burping uncontrollably.

Since I’m learning to read fluent Kanye CAPS Rant (it’s a new language), let me break it down for you. Kanye explains his arrest in the UK on Friday. Basically, he was coming out of a club and one pap was getting up in his life. So Kanye put his hand up to cover up the dude’s camera lens and in all the chaos, the camera accidentially hit the pap’s nose. Kanye left, but the police came to get his ass at his hotel later on. They told him that they had to arrest him, because a complaint had been filed, but they’re pretty sure it’s just some dumb publicity stunt. No charges were filed and he was released, but Kanye thinks the damage is done, because every media outlet only focused on him getting arrested.

He believes that a law should be passed, forcing the a pap to get permission from their subject before taking a picture. Basically.

Oh, Kanye. I just want to take him into my kitchen, search my cupboard for that old box of Peeps I have from last Easter and give him half. Even old Peeps make everything okay. Especially if you dip that shit in fucking vodka. I’m not joking.

Anyranty, Kanye’s entire post is after the jump. You might feel like he’s yelling at your ass and you have to go stand in the corner for a time out after reading it. JUMP!!!!

Rant begins:

WHO’S WINNING, ME OR THE MEDIA?

REGARDLESS OF HOW MUCH LIGHT I PUT OUT, THERE ARE PEOPLE WORKING JUST AS HARD TO ONLY DELIVER DARKNESS. IF YOU LISTEN TO MY MUSIC, HOW COULD I DELIVER SO MANY POSITIVE UPLIFTING MESSAGES AND BE THE MONSTER THAT THE MEDIA PAINTS. PAPARAZZI GIVE REAL PHOTOGRAPHERS A BAD NAME. A PICTURE IS WORTH A THOUSAND WORDS, THEIRS ARE WORTH A THOUSAND DOLLARS…

LET US NOT FORGET THE PAPS KILLED PRINCESS DIANA. WHEN WILL THERE BE A LAW PASSED THAT SIMPLY ENFORCES THAT SOMEONE HAS TO ASK TO TAKE A PHOTOGRAPH OF YOU. THAT WOULD SEEM LIKE COMMON COURTESY. RIGHT NOW THE PAPS ARE ABOVE THE LAW AND THE PEOPLE THEY SHOOT ARE BELOW IT. WHAT SHOULD BE ILLEGAL IS PICTURES TAKEN WITH THE INTENT TO SELL….LIKE DRUGS WITH THE INTENT TO SELL… OR CROSSING CUSTOMS WITH ENOUGH MERCHANDISE TO HAVE THE INTENT TO SELL. THE EXPLOITATION OF MY IMAGE IS THE PROBLEM. IT PRODUCES A “BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY” BEHAVIOR THAT CAUSE THE PAPS TO DRIVE RECKLESSLY ON FREEWAYS, JUMP OVER FENCES AND INVADE PRIVACY ALL IN AN EFFORT TO GET THAT “MONEY SHOT.” YOU SHOULDN’T BE ABLE TO SELL A PICTURE OF ME WITHOUT MY PERMISSION. AFTER THIS LAW IS PASSED, WHEN YOU ENTER A PUBLIC PLACE LIKE A BASKETBALL ARENA ETC., THERE WILL BE A SIGN THAT READS…”ALL PHOTOS TAKEN HERE ARE PUBLIC DOMAIN AND CAN BE USED AT THE PHOTOGRAPHERS DISCRETION.” OBVIOUSLY RED CARPET EVENTS WHERE PEOPLE SHOW UP TO BE PHOTOGRAPHED WILL ALSO APPLY. THE PERSONAL PROBLEM I HAVE WITH THE PAPS IS WHEN THEY TRY TO CATCH YOU BEING A REGULAR PERSON. I AM NOT A CELEBRITY. I’M A NORMAL PERSON THAT’S JUST FAMOUS. I REFUSE TO SNEAK IN AND OUT OF BACK DOORS AND KITCHENS OF HOTELS ETC….

I AM PROTECTING MY PERSONAL SPACE SINCE THERE ARE NO LAWS TO PROTECT THAT FOR ME.

I PUT MY HAND UP TO THE CAMERA IN SELF DEFENSE!

HERE’S WHAT HAPPENED…WHEN I LEFT THE CLUB, I WAS ENCOUNTERED BY A THIRSTY PAPARAZZI AS USUAL. HE FELT HE HAD MORE RIGHTS TO MY SPACE THAN ME, SO I PUT MY HAND UP TO PREVENT HIM FROM TAKING MY IMAGE. I DIDN’T ASSAULT HIM BUT MERELY PUTTING MY HAND UP TO COVER HIS LENS. MY SECURITY YELLED, “GET THE CAMERA OFF HIM.” I GUESS IN ALL THE COMMOTION THE CAMERA SCRAPED HIS NOSE.

THREE HOURS LATER I GET A KNOCK AT MY HOTEL DOOR. THERE WERE FIVE POLICE OFFICERS IN FRONT OF MY ROOM AND I HAD NO IDEA WHY. I HAD MY SECURITY GO SPEAK WITH THEM. THE COPS WERE VERY CORDIAL BUT TOLD ME THEY HAD TO ARREST ME BECAUSE A COMPLAINT WAS FILED. THAT WAS THE BOGUS PART. THEY PLACED ME IN HANDCUFFS AND DROVE ME TO THE STATION. THEY SPOKE ABOUT HOW THIS WAS OBVIOUSLY A PUBLICITY STUNT BY THE PHOTOGRAPHER BUT THEY STILL HAD TO GO THOUGH THE MOTIONS. WHEN I GOT BACK TO THE HOTEL THERE WERE PAPARAZZI HANGING OVER THE BRIDGE ABOVE THE HOTEL TRYING TO GET A SHOT OF ME GETTING OUT THE POLICE VAN. EVEN THOUGH I WASN’T CHARGED, THE DAMAGE WAS DONE. SURE ENOUGH THE NEXT MORNING, PLASTERED ACROSS EVERY MEDIA OUTLET… KANYE GETS ARRESTED. IT DIDN’T MATTER THAT I WASN’T CHARGED OR THE FACT THAT I HADN’T ASSAULTED ANYONE. ALL THAT MATTERED WAS THAT I WAS ARRESTED.

SIDEBAR, THEY QUOTED ME AS SAYING…”GET THE CAMERA OFF HIM!” LIKE I WAS TALKING IN THIRD PERSON. HE TRIED TO MAKE ME SOUND LIKE A CRAZY PERSON AND PEOPLE BELIEVED HIM. WHAT MERIT DOES THIS GUY HAVE THAT HE CAN SAY SOMETHING ABOUT ME AND PEOPLE TAKE IT AS LAW? THE FACT THAT HE COULD GET ME ARRESTED OFF A MERE COMPLAINT BUT I CAN’T ASK HIM TO STOP TAKING PICTURES OF ME IS VERY LOPSIDED.

WHO’S WINNING, ME OR THE MEDIA?

End of rant

Hey, it’s Michael again. Are your eyes still working after reading that? Just making sure…..

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