Get out the Bounty and wipe the crocodile tears off your face, because Raffaello Follieri is not having a lovely autumn. Why you ask? It’s because he’s in fucking prison! Duh. What the hell did he expect? A merry gay orgy with endless supplies of lube, Baby Wipes and Donna Summer? WRONG. He got the gay orgy but without the lube.
Raffy Fullofshitti was sentenced to 4.5 years in the chokey for messing with Jesus. Raffy is currently being held at some joint in Brooklyn waiting to be moved to his permanent home. Even though his current home is temporary, he’s still bitching about it. Raffy’s lawyer filed a motion with the judge asking for her client to be moved, because his current cell conditions are gross.
He’s bitching that the toilets are nasty, there’s shit in the showers, rats are running around everywhere, the food is rotten, the stench is unbearable and he has to share a cell with 120 other dudes. That shit sounds better than some of the NYC apartments I’ve lived in!
His lawyer also said that the conditions have made him sick, causing him to run a fever. There’s also blood in his piss. Wait. Has he ever fucked Wonky McValtrex?
Wah! Wah! Wah! Yeah, I’m sure he would rather be sleeping in a KMart bathroom (that shit is wretched), but such is life. He just needs to stick a finger in his brown eye, make himself another grilled cheese sandwich on the radiator and shut his Zach Braff-wannabe lips.