Queen Aretha Is The Greatest Singer Of All-Time!
Rolling Stone has come out with their 100 Greatest Singers Of All-Time list and Celine Dion isn’t even on it! She is the “greatest singa in da wooorld!!!” She’s going to take a kayak over to Rolling Stone and beat them with her elbow bone. Celine didn’t make the list, but Queen Aretha Franklin and her magnificent titty balls of destruction landed on #1!! Rolling Stone really had no choice. Queen Aretha threatened to eat their whole building if they didn’t make her #1. They know she was serious. She had the Thousand Island dressing with her, ready to go.
I pity the 99 fools below Aretha on this list. They are fucking holding on for dear life with Aretha on top of them. They are trying to get strength from their fucking toenails. Aretha’s just sitting up top like the queen she is, picking her teeth and flexing her chichis.
I’m sure you’ll rip apart the rest of the list like I already have. I mean, no Chloe Lattanzi?! No Kim from “The Real Housewives of Atlanta“? No The Hoff?! I just have 4 letters for this list: F-A-L-E! I’m joking! I know how to spell fale. Wait. How do you spell it? Stop! Let’s get to business!
The full list after the jump. JUMP!!!
100 Mary J. Blige
99 Steven Tyler
98 Stevie Nicks
97 Joe Cocker
96 B.B. King
95 Patti LaBelle
94 Karen Carpenter
93 Annie Lennox
92 Morrissey
91 Levon Helm
90 The Everly Brothers
89 Solomon Burke
88 Willie Nelson
87 Don Henley
86 Art Garfunkel
85 Sam Moore
84 Darlene Love
83 Patti Smith
82 Tom Waits
81 John Lee Hooker
80 Frankie Valli
79 Mariah Carey
78 Sly Stone
77 Merle Haggard
76 Steve Perry
75 Iggy Pop
74 James Taylor
73 Dolly Parton
72 John Fogerty
71 Toots Hibbert
70 Gregg Allman
69 Ronnie Spector
68 Wilson Pickett
67 Jerry Lee Lewis
66 Thom Yorke
65 David Ruffin
64 Axl Rose
63 Dion (not Celine)
62 Lou Reed
61 Roger Daltrey
60 Björk
59 Rod Stewart
58 Christina Aguilera
57 Eric Bourdon
56 Mavis Staples
55 Paul Rodgers
54 Luther Vandross
53 Muddy Waters
52 Brian Wilson
51 Gladys Knight
50 Bonnie Raitt
49 Donny Hathaway
48 Buddy Holly
47 Jim Morrison
46 Patsy Cline
45 Kurt Cobain
44 Bobby “Blue” Bland
43 George Jones
42 Joni Mitchell
41 Chuck Berry
40 Curtis Mayfield
39 Jeff Buckley
38 Elton John
37 Neil Young
36 Bruce Springsteen
35 Dusty Sprinfield
34 Whitney Houston
33 Steve Winwood
32 Bono
31 Howlin’ Wolf
30 Prince
29 Nina Simone
28 Janis Joplin
27 Hank Williams
26 Jackie Wilson
25 Michael Jackson
24 Van Morrison
23 David Bowie
22 Etta James
21 Johnny Cash
20 Smokey Robinson
19 Bob Marley
18 Freddie Mercury
17 Tina Turner
16 Mick Jagger
15 Robert Plant
14 Al Green
13 Roy Orbison
12 Little Richard
11 Paul McCartney
10 James Brown
09 Stevie Wonder
08 Otis Redding
07 Bob Dylan
06 Marvin Gaye
05 John Lennon
04 Sam Cooke
03 Elvis Presley
02 Ray Charles
01 Aretha Franklin
VIA Stereogum