Why Is Stephen Baldwin Still Here?

November 11, 2008 / Posted by:

The dirty toilet plunger known as Stephen Baldwin vowed to move to Canada if Obama won. Somebody give that dumb fuck a newspaper, because Obama is our next president and Stephen is still here! I doubt Canada wants his ass either. When Obama won, they probably sent Stephen a bottle of their native maple syrup with a note that said, “Eh! This is the closest you will get to our fair Canada! Eh!

Stephen lied to us all by not leaving. That’s not very Christian-like. In the wise words of the God Warrior, “HE IS NOT A CHRISTIIIIAAAAAAN.” It also wasn’t very Christian of him to get Hannah Montana’s initials tattooed on his body. Ew and ew.

According to TMZ, at some White House event last year, Miley Cyrus dared Stephen to get Hannah Montana’s initials tattooed somewhere on his busted body. If he did it, she would let him guest star on her show. Well, yesterday at one of his book signings in Nashville, Stephen showed Miley his tattoo. He went through his part of the deal so she has to get through hers. Miley agreed that she’d let him cameo on her show.

No, that’s not creepy at all. Well, it’s only her initials, Stephen could tell people it means something else. Horny Moron? Hobag Mangina? Humongous Motherfucker? The possibilities are endless.

And since I mentioned God Warrior, it would be dark-sided not to post her most shining moment:

Image: Pacific Coast News

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