The Taronga Zoo in Australia got themselves a brand new baby pygmy hippo named Monifa and I guess it’s like a big deal, because reporters and shit were on hand to document her cuteness. I did get a little “awww” in my throat when watching Monifa lick the zookeeper’s hand. But what if you’re sitting there, thinking it’s so adorable that Monifa is licking on your hand with her silly tongue and then all of a sudden she gets the “instinct” in her and bites your fingers off. Then you have no fucking fingers!
When you go to shake someone’s hand and suddenly remember that you have to use the other one because you have no fingers, you’ll think of how you fell for Monifa’s cuteness! When you’re driving down the street with your hook hand and its shininess reflects off the sun and temporarily blinds you, causing you to crash into a tree, you’ll think of Monifa.
That said, can we get a live feed of Monifa the pygmy hippo! I want to see her adorably lick fingers and possibly bite them! And speaking of live feeds, it’s time to check up on the PUPPIES!!! I have been treating this live feed like its my fucking newborn baby. I check up on the puppies like a million times a day. This morning, the mommy was with her puppies. I got so excited that I clapped. Seriously. Clapped by my fucking self. I really need to look into getting one of those things called “a life.” But then when would I have time to look at the PUPPIES!!!!!