A few days ago, I wrote about my disappointment in Terri Seymour for not completing her gold digging mission. I now kiss her newly rich feet, because not only did Simon Cowell give her $4.6 to buy a mansion, but he also handed her $5 million in cash money. That’s not a bad paycheck for massaging Simon’s manchichis and scrubbing Gaycrest’s dried-up jizz from hair for 6 years.
Of course, it’s “shut the fuck” money. But I’m hoping Terri knew her cash COWell (sorry) was about to go out to pasture, so she quietly put together an incrimiGAYting (sorry again) case against him. When it came time to part, she sashayed into his black t-shirt closet room like Alexis Carrington, threw down the pictures and said, “It’s not going to be cheap!”
That dumb bitch Sarah Larson probably only walked away with an autographed copy of “Ocean’s Eleven” and a “You’ve Been Clooney-d” t-shirt.