Melissa Etheridge Might Have The Right Idea

November 6, 2008 / Posted by:

Since Prop 8 passed in California, Melissa Etheridge’s marriage to Tammy Lynn Michaels isn’t really a marriage anymore in the legal sense. I guess? Right? Well, Melissa will protest the ban on gay marriage by not paying state taxes! Melissa wrote on The Daily Beast about her plan:

Okay. So Prop 8 passed. Alright, I get it. 51% of you think that I am a second class citizen. Alright then. So my wife, uh I mean, roommate? Girlfriend? Special lady friend? You are gonna have to help me here because I am not sure what to call her now. Anyways, she and I are not allowed the same right under the state constitution as any other citizen. Okay, so I am taking that to mean I do not have to pay my state taxes because I am not a full citizen. I mean that would just be wrong, to make someone pay taxes and not give them the same rights, sounds sort of like that taxation without representation thing from the history books.

Okay, cool I don’t mean to get too personal here but there is a lot I can do with the extra half a million dollars that I will be keeping instead of handing it over to the state of California. Oh, and I am sure Ellen will be a little excited to keep her bazillion bucks that she pays in taxes too. Wow, come to think of it, there are quite a few of us fortunate gay folks that will be having some extra cash this year. What recession? We’re gay! I am sure there will be a little box on the tax forms now single, married, divorced, gay, check here if you are gay, yeah, that’s not so bad. Of course all of the waiters and hairdressers and UPS worker

Hmmm….no state taxes in California? CA already has In-N-Out and now the gays don’t have to pay taxes! Woo hoo! Grab my dildo collection, pa, I’m going out west!

Think of all the things I can buy with my extra dough from not paying state taxes. I can buy more discontinued Mother’s Animal Cookies, I can eat In-N-Out all day, I can even go to Disneyland like once (that shit ain’t cheap)! Fuck. All of us can go to T.G.I. Friday’s and the Mudslides will be on me! It’ll be a 24-hour party!

That’s until the IRS comes to kill my fun and take me away in handcuffs. When I start screaming, “Melissa Etheridge told me I didn’t have to pay taxes,” they’ll just nod their heads and shuttle me off to prison. Oh well. At least you can bring me warm Hot Pockets during visiting days. You’ll owe me for all those cocktails I bought you! And I’m sure I can be someone’s wife in the clink!

Click here to read Melissa’s entire entry.

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