Jenny Needs To Step It Up

November 5, 2008 / Posted by:

OMG! Jennifer Aniston is knocked up! With twins! And John Mayer is the daddy! Except there’s an itty bitty problem. She’s not exactly pregnant just yet…. Who cares about that! It’s just petty details.

Star Magazine claims Jenny is “trying” to have a baby with John Mayer before her 40th birthday. Jen is trying all kinds of shit in order to get a baby in her busted ass oven. A source said, “She knows her baby-making years are limited. It’s hard for her to think of anything else — she has babies on the brain!” I think the source was being literal. Jen is putting friend’s babies on her head, hoping it will get her body in the baby mood and speed up the process.

One friend said that Jen and John are doing specific yoga poses that are supposed to help her get pregnant. Unless, they’re doing the poses naked and on top of each other, I don’t see how that shit can help.

The friend went on to blab, “Jen has also changed her diet. She’s taking a lot of folic acid and has upped her intake of milk and beef — all of which are supposed to increase your chances of having twins. She’s even eating cassava root, a wild yam, because women in Africa who consume it have the highest rate of conceived twins.

JEN! Come on now. If you want to beat Saint Angie Jo, you’re going to have to get knocked up with triplets at least! You know what you need to do? Go down and visit Michelle Duggar. Give her a gift certificate to WholesomeWear in exchange for a little vagina bumping time with her. Seriously. All you have to do is rub your snatch with hers and you’ll instantly be pregnant with triplets or even quadruplets! Both you and John are “Js” and we know how Michelle feels about “Js.” It’s meant to be.

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