All This Can Be Yours

November 1, 2008 / Posted by:

Simon Cowell is back on the market after splitting up with his chick of six years, Terri Seymour. Simon’s pr bitch said that Terri rang him up last month and let him know she was quitting that bitch. I’m sure he found comfort in between Ryan Gaycrest’s throbbing butt cheeks.

Terri, 34, and Simon, 48, met when she was just 18, but they didn’t start bumping titties until she interviewed him in 2002.

Simon’s spokeswhore went on to tell People, “They are going to remain close friends. Simon thinks the world of Terri and that isn’t going to change. He also understands her reason for ending it. In the past Terri has said that she wants kids but that just isn’t Simon. Nobody else is involved, certainly not on Simon’s side.”

For why doesn’t Simon want little babies? His voluptuous manchicis were made for milking.

Terri Seymour failed me just like Sarah Larson did. She had herself a big bag of money dangling in front of her and she just let it go. The gold diggers of the world are shedding millions of tears at this missed opportunity.

The Mirror claims Simon bought her ass a house as a goodbye gift, but that shit’s not enough! She could have been set up for the rest of her days! I mean, Simon shits bars of gold, so Terri just needed to find a way to get knocked up! Homegirl should’ve gone through Gaycrest’s garbage for used condoms filled with Simon’s baby batter or something! Damn.

Image: Bauer Griffin

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