You Don’t Mean That

Joaquin Phoenix has had it with the movie making business, so he’s devoting all his time to developing the music in his heart. At a benefit for Paul Newman last night, he told Extra TV, “I want to take this opportunity… also to give you the exclusive and just talk a little bit about the fact that this will be my last performance as an actor… I’m not doing films anymore.”

I wonder how many times he hiccuped or temporarily blacked out while he said that shit? His breath probably reeked of Jack Daniels, Cloves and rubbing alcohol. Breathalyzers from miles away exploded when he opened his mouth.

When asked if he was serious, Joaquin continued to let the booze talk and said, “Yeah. I’m working on my music. I’m done. I’ve been through that.” Joaquin’s friend, Casey Affleck, chimed in, “I don’t think he’s kidding. He’s got music and stuff.”

And by “stuff” he means some good chronic and a stocked liquor cabinet.

Extra also asked Joaquin’s spokesbitch who said, “That is what he told me.”

Wait. He’s joking, right?! This can’t be true, because I really need him to star in a sequel to “SpaceCamp.”