Saint Angelina floated into the Hollywood Film Festival Awards Gala last night surrounded by archangels and the audience “gasped” at the sight of her. I didn’t make up that “gasp” part. A couple of people died too, but Saint Angelina’s face veins didn’t even move. She’s used to it.
Saint Morticia was there to pay tribute to Clint Eastwood. She spoke about him, but nobody could understand the words that came out of her mouth, because it just sounded like a thousand angels singing in unison. Everyone’s ear wax suddenly melted away. If there was a deaf person in the room, they would be able to hear again.
After the saint spoke, Pepaw Clint Eastwood dragged his corpse on stage to accept his award and drown Angie Jo in more compliments. He said, “Working with someone like Angelina Jolie is a great privilege, because you get to look on that gorgeous beauty every day. And she’s a great talent.”
Why must Clint always tell us this? WE KNOW! It’s been tattooed into our brains that she’s a stunninggorgeousbeautifulperfectalloftheabove goddess who queefs holy water. And anybody who thinks otherwise has already been informed that they will spend eternity in hell. I’ve already received my plane ticket for flight #666.
Here’s a few more of the pepaw zombie and the holy hunchback wax figure last night.