But What About Marie?

Over the weekend, TBS played “Pretty Woman” and I had to stop and watch it, because Shane Ross, Marie – Snobby Salesperson #2, is one of my favorite actresses. When she says, “It’s very expensive,” I feel it in my soul. I truly believe that the dress is VERY expensive.

Anyway, I was hoping that Julia Roberts would feel the same way I do and produce a sequel. In the sequel, Edward Lewis suddenly dies after he shoves a gerbil way too far up his ass and it eats his vital organs. After her husband’s death, Vivian Ward Lewis decides to do some good in the world, so she buys the store that scorned her many years ago and turns it into a refuge for unfashionable prostitutes.

At the store, Vivian finds that Marie has been demoted to stock person, because now she’s much too ugly and old to be in the front of the store. Vivian takes Marie under her wing to build up her confidence and turn her into the good woman she always wanted to be. In the end, Vivian and Marie realize they have fallen in love with each other and they get married on Rodeo Drive while The Supremes’ “Back In My Arms Again” serenades us to the end credits.

Unfortunately, Julia has stomped on my dreams. At last night’s Painted Turtle benefit in San Francisco, she said there will never be a sequel. She said, “No one wants to see an old hooker! Do they?” No, but I want to see Marie again, dammit!

Here’s the dream killer and Pepaw Bruce Willis last night.