Touch Aretha’s BODY

The Queen (I have to call her that or she’ll end me) performed her own thrilling rendition of Mimi’s “Touch My Body” the other night during her show in DC. This isn’t the first time Aretha has sang this song. No, she serenades all of her 35 daily meals with this beautiful tune while she pours melted butter all over the plate.

Touching the Chichi Queen’s entire body would take days, months, years. You’d have to bring your passport, some dried food packs, gallons of water, a flare fun, an oxygen tank and a Husky dog. You might not ever come back if you get trapped underneath one of her tittay boulders. There might be a half-eaten Hoagie up in there to keep you going for a few weeks after your supplies have run out, but after that, you’re fucked.

And here’s a few pictures of Queen Aretha leaving Matt Lauer’s roast in NYC the other night. Like Tommy Girl, the Chichi Queen was probably disappointed because she misunderstood the meaning of a ROAST. She even wore her favorite eatin’ scarf and everything!