David Did Not Do His Tennis Instructor And He’s Suing Over It

The Daily Mail ran a little story claiming that David Duchovny’s overused peen somehow found its way down the panties of his tennis instructor Edit Pakay. Before the story was published, David’s bitches told the DM that the story was a falsity. They ran it anyway and even said David had a “full-blown affair” with Edit. Quick question. What’s a half-blown affair? Is that when you just suck on the head?

Well, David is ready to get it on with the Daily Mail in court, because he’s suing them for defaming his good and pure name!

In the story, Edit alluded to having an affair with David, but she never came out and said it. Edit later denied there was an affair and said they are only friends and playing partners.

The lawsuit filed yesterday in Los Angeles states: “The story falsely alleges that Duchovny sought out Ms. Pakay to be his tennis instructor and that the ‘professional relationship’…quickly turned into a love match. By its intentional and reckless conduct, Daily Mail has caused substantial harm to Duchovny, in complete disregard of the truth and of even a semblance of journalistic integrity.”

If this does go to court, I hope they call David’s peen to the stand. His peen knows the truth and cannot tell a lie. If the peen is too shy, they can call his no-no hole to testify. I’m sure it has seen some fucked up shit. Literally. It can be the Daily Mail’s dirt star witness.

David wants at least a million dollars from the Daily Mail. With the currency conversion, that’s like 2 pounds, I think. And I’m pretty sure David will settle for a taint slap and a salad tossing.