Muscle Baby Alert!

Vadge is still technically married to Guy Ritchie, but that hasn’t stopped her from making plans to procreate with A-Rod. A source tells the Daily Mail that she wants to put her 50-year-old roided-up vagina to work to try and produce a baby with 33-year-old A-Rod. The source said, “She thinks he’s physically a great specimen. And if she is going to have another child, he would be the ideal man to bring one to her.”

The two plan to go public with their relationship within the next two months. A-Rod is looking to buy an apartment nears Vadge’s Manhattan dungeon. It seems that A-Rod has already handed over what’s left of his shriveled nutsack to her, because he’s also promised her that he will write a sports-themed Kabbalah book for young boys. AND he plans to go on a spiritual trip with her to Malawi.

Vadge wants to make sure that A-Rod is the perfect slave for her, so she’s conducted a variety of tests on him. She makes sure that he calls when he says he will. She tested him on his knowledge of Kabbalahbalalah. She made sure he shares the same views on money as her. Just to make sure he’s paying attention to her at all times, she quizzed him on what outfits she wore on their first three meetings together. I’m sure the final test involves a wrestling match between her rock hard clit and his peen. If his peen loses, then they can be together.

I’m surprised Vadge hasn’t tried to have a baby with herself. She is superhuman, so I’m sure her clit has a peen hole that shoots out the strongest sperm in all the land.

If she does have a baby with A-Rod, this is what he will look like: