David’s Bio-Daddy Wants Him Back
David Banda’s bio-daddy thinks that his son is living a life without love and tells The Sun that maybe he should be back with him in Africa instead of living in Vadge’s House of Pain.
David might not be living in a house filled with hugs and kisses, but he can eat all the soybeans he wants. Oh and there’s plenty of Kabbalah water too!
Yohane Banda said he’s disappointed that Vadge’s marriage tanked and doesn’t think his son is happy. Yohane got on his soap box and said, “I am still a poor farmer with nothing to offer, but maybe he would be better off back with us. This woman Madonna told me herself that David was beautiful and made her happy and she promised to take good care of him.”
Yohane lives with his wife, her 3-year-old daughter and their 7-month-old son. The Sun showed him a paparazzi picture of David and Vadge and Yohane responded, “He doesn’t look happy in this picture. He looks bewildered. If there is no love in the family, is there any love for him? This is a new and terrible thing to happen to him. I am too upset to think clearly. He is only three years old and he has been through so much.”
Translation: I am too upset to think about this…..but if she accidentally sent me a bag of money, I might feel a little less weepy.
He also claims Vadge promised to keep him updated about his son’s well-being and all that, but she hasn’t. Yohane said, “I thought she would take him away from the danger of malaria and other diseases that kill children here, and that she would let me know that he was happy. I have never heard from her since the day I agreed to let her adopt David. She has sent no photographs or news. I suppose she just wants him for herself.”
What the fuck did he expect? She’s Vadge! Not fucking Sally Struthers. I don’t know what to tell Yohane. He should know to never trust a muscle lady with a bad British accent!
And since we’re on the subject of muscle lady Vadge, the Mail on Sunday published some never-before-seen pictures of Vadge and Guy’s white (HA!) wedding. I’m surprised the crown isn’t bigger and Guy isn’t in handcuffs. I love the picture of him kissing her with his eyes open. He’s thinking, “What the fuck did I just do? And why do I no longer have any sensation in my nutsack area?”
“HOW SICK” is right.