Every hour there’s a new story about Guy and Vadge’s dirty divorce. You know Vadge is busting loads of panty pudding over all the publicity. She probably lays all the newspaper clippings out on the bed and rubs her roid-cooze all over them. Attention should be that bitch’s third husband. That marriage would last forever.
There’s a lot of stories and rumors out there, so I’m just going to break it down for you in list form. Lists make everything seem so dramatic. So do exclamation points, so I’ll throw lots of those in.
V cares more about her personal trainer than her own husband!!
V slathers her body in fancy creams and then covers herself in a plastic bodysuit every night!!
V completely controls the house including what they eat. Only macrobiotic shit! G had to drink his evening tea with rice milk! V doesn’t allow dairy or sugar in her house!
V doesn’t allow TV!!!!!!
When they went out to dinner at restaurants, V didn’t trust the chefs, so she usually just drank a glass of water!
V works on her fitness at least 2 hours a day including holidays!
V turned to full-on plastic surgery in order to look younger for G.
G is constantly cruel to V! He told her that she looks like a granny!
G has made V feel worthless, unattractive, unfeminine, insecure and isolated!!!
G told V that she sucks as an actress!
G would check out other hos in front of V. G would also make fun of her in front of their friends!
G wants Rocco to live with him in London! V wants all her children in NYC with her!!!!
G will get at least $40 million in the divorce as well as their London pub and the country estate!
Cue dramatic chipmunk! In addition to all these not-so-shocking claims, Guy’s old daddy is speaking out about Vadge calling his son “emotionally retarded” at a concert in Boston. 78-year-old John Ritchie tells The Daily Mail, ‘She is being beastly. She’s calling him an emotional retard. When he’s being bashed by her it’s horrid.”
Pepaw Ritchie better watch it. That beast can tear him into a million pieces with just one swipe from her titanium labia lips of death!