The First Step Is To Blame Simon Cowell

Nikki McKibbin dragged herself out of the dumpster, slapped some Manic Panic on her head and somehow found herself competing in the first season of “American Idol.” Nikki obviously didn’t know she was getting into, because she tells UsWeekly that Simon Cowell’s hot comments fucked with her head which caused her to fill her body with booze and drugs. And by “hot comments” I mean “really mean comments.”

The former stripper said that growing up she never really experienced real criticism, so getting bashed by Simon really got to her. She said, “I had never been told I wasn’t good enough. Having to hear it for so many weeks from Simon Cowell killed me inside. I couldn’t get the shit he had said to me out of my head. It drove me deeper into my depression. I wouldn’t say that this was Simon’s fault. It just added to the addict that I already was.”

While the show was going on, Nikki would find a way to buy vodka and she stored it in the house. She said, “If I wasn’t too exhausted, I’d have one or two drinks.” One or two drinks?! What the hell kind of GD alcoholic was she? I guess most of us need rehab them. I’m sure they’ll teach us that Step 1 is to blame the reality show judge who was meanest to you.

In all seriousness, maybe Simon’s bitchery is to blame for Nikki’s addictions. I mean, it would explain why Paula Abdul is always fucked out of her mind.

30-year-old Nikki is currently sober thanks to Dr. Drew and Celebrity Rehab 2. She is now married to her 39-year-old childhood roller-skating coach. Childhood roller-skating coach?! Is she sure that wasn’t the cause of her boozin’?