That Whole “Sex Addict Thing” Got In The Way

David Duchovny and Tea Leoni have been separated for a few months now, reports People. I guess she couldn’t live with him putting his penis in another people’s moutholes, vaginas and poopers.

They issued this paragraph of words confirming that their 11-year marriage is on hold: “In light of continuous speculation over the lives and marriage of Tea Leoni and David Duchovny, the couple has confirmed that they have in fact been separated for several months. The couple had hoped to keep this separation private for the sake of their children.”

Tea is a strong woman. She was in “Spanglish,” which means she’s equipped to cope with this kind of sadness. I don’t know what that means, but just agree with me.

It’s David I’m worried about. He’s fragile and evil sluts with hungry genitals are going to try to take advantage of him in his hour of need. David, come to me. You can cry on my no-no hole…I mean…my shoulder. I’ll stroke your penis head and you can cum cry all over me.