Dear Clara Meadmore, Don’t Look At These Pictures

Hugh Jackman turned 40 yesterday and he celebrated by giving a bunch sunbathers in Sydney the gift of his body. You know that when Hugh got into the water, everybody had to run out and head to the bathroom because their crotches were about to explode. It was like a panty pudding fountain. Shit. You better check your own panty situation. It’s probably covered in clitty litter. Mine is a lost cause. It’s going right into the “burn pile.”

There has to be something wrong with his ass. His dick must be all sorts of disappointing. I bet he suffers from cashew dick. It’s probably small, curved and salty. Yeah, because I can’t believe that his body is that perfect.

Hugh’s Mrs. Claus-looking wife must have been some kind of saint in a past life to nab such a piece of hotness. If I was married to him, I would never leave his side. Ever. And if some slick bitch looked at him with lusty eyes, I’d shoot that ho. No joke.

Here’s Hugh making genitals burst at the beach yesterday and out with his wifey the other night.