Yeah, Yeah, Yeah

Once again, Rojo Caliente, The Empress of Lucite and Chicken Cutlets have been robbed! Esquire named Halle Berry as the sexiest sexy sex piece who ever sexed. Or something like that. Halle recreated one of Bill Clinton’s Esquire covers, but did it without a shirt and pants. She also looks like she’s ready for a pap smear.

On Esquire’s website, A few writers pretending to be Halle has written a long ass “acceptance speech.” Seriously, it’s long as fuck. Click here to read that shit. She talks about orgasms and what she finds sexy. Halle finds spaghetti sexy! She writes, “To me, spaghetti is sexy, especially when it’s served off the tips of a man’s fingers. I like that.” Spaghetti off of a man’s fingers? Don’t the noodles slide off onto the floor and shit? And doesn’t some of the delicious sauce get stuck in his nails? No thanks.

Yes, we already know that Halle is gorgeous and that her vagina probably smells like rose petals, but do we need to be reminded about this time after time? I feel like the same broads are always named the “sexiest” or “most beautiful.” If it isn’t Halle, it’s Charlize, MiserAlba or Saint Angie Jo. Can’t they throw somebody else a bone? Chicken Cutlets is just sitting there, waiting. Esquire can even change the title to the “Sexiest Pair of Chicken Cutlets Alive.”