Lauren Bacall is the kind of memaw that I could have a 6 martini lunch with at Fudrucker’s. After about our third one, I’d softly stroke one of her bushy eyebrows and she’d tell me what she really thinks about Tommy Girl. I mean, she wouldn’t hold back. She’d hike up her granny panties and let it loose.
In the new issue of Elle celebrating (gross) Botox Kidman, Lauren, who worked with Botox on “Dogville,” had this to say about the couple’s split:
“Tom had taken off for Penelope Cruz or some godamn thing — one of his more ridiculous moves. Tom Cruise is a maniac. I can’t understand the way he conducts his life.”
It’s the alien way, Lauren. You don’t have to understand it. It’s best if you don’t. Have another martini. Don’t you have more to say about our little midget alien lover? Don’t stop.
“When you talk about a great actor, you’re not talking about Tom Cruise. His whole behaviour is so shocking. It’s inappropriate and vulgar and absolutely unacceptable to use your private life to sell anything commercially, but, I think, it’s kind of a sickness.”
That’s what I like to hear! I think we should all bow down to the great crazy memaw known as Lauren Bacall! She better sleep with two eyes open tonight, because Tommy isn’t going to like this. Hold a vial of truth serum close, LoBa. The aliens hate that shit!