Asshole’s “White Trash” Birthday Party

One of Papa Joe’s cash pigs turned 24 on Friday and celebrated with a “white trash” themed party at his house in Encino, CA. Last year, Asshole Simpson threw an 80s theme party for her ugly barfday. What’s next year? A stupiddumbtalentlessbitch theme party? They can go dressed as themselves!

A source who went to the party tells People that the menu included corn dogs, macaroni and cheese, chicken fingers and french fries. Shit, that’s a boring menu. Where’s the Ritz Cracker apple pie? The Kool-Aid spritzers? The Hungry Man frozen meals? The chipped beef dip? The Frito nachos? Once again Asshole Simpson has FAILED. If she was smart, she would’ve asked Brit Brit to cater that shit.

The source went on to say, “Ashlee wore Daisy Dukes and platform flip-flops with a bathing suit and a fake tattoo around her belly. Joe wore a cut-off muscle T-shirt and a mullet wig. It was funny. Jessica was wearing a crazy leopard-print dress that showed off a lot of cleavage.”

You know, I bet you this “source” only thinks it was a white trash party, but it really wasn’t. It was just the Simpsons hanging out in their backyard, being themselves.

For my birthday next year, I’m going to have an “Asshole and Pete” themed party. Everyone can come dressed up as emo vaginas, gigantic noses and dirty tampons. I’ll serve bullshit stew and acid reflux cocktails.