David Crosby Talks Peen

Yeah, this isn’t strange. David Crosby has somehow found himself as part of the case between Rob Lowe and his former nasty nanny. Laura Boyce (the nasty nanny) claims she was sexually harassed by the Lowes. They’re currently going through a bunch of court shit.

TMZ reports that David hung out with Laura Boyce and the Lowes in Hawaii last year. He said in a declaration that Laura kept talking about big dicks. Can we please get audio of David saying this!

David said that Laura openly talked about only dating “black guys because of their cocks.” David went on to say, “Laura Boyce was open about her personal life and dating preferences and freely discussed that in front of my wife and me.”

A friend of the Lowes also said in a declaration that the always classy Laura talked about jumbo peen a lot. The friend said, “Laura began bragging about the size of her boyfriend’s penis. Laura said that her boyfriend was an African American athlete. Laura bragged that her boyfriend’s penis was ‘the second largest cock in the NBA.'” How big was his wang you ask? Well, the Lowes’ friend went on to say that it was so big that Laura “had to wear a ‘life saver’ so that his penis didn’t ‘rip her pussy apart.”

For the children out there, a “life saver” is a ring you put on your massive schlong so that it doesn’t poke out an organ or anything.

First of all, Laura Boyce probably shouldn’t be a nanny anymore, right? What the hell kind of nanny talks like that?! They should be talking about spoonfuls of sugar. Not about cock!

Second of all, if her boyfriend has the second biggest dick in the NBA, who has the first? How do they determine this? Do they say, “Welcome to the NBA! We need to measure your dick now“? And where is this list kept? Is it open to the public? Are there pictures as proof? I need to know the answers to these questions! The welfare of my private areas depend on it!