Tommy Girl Wants Wino

October 6, 2008 / Posted by:

I used an older picture of Amy Wino because we already know what she looks like now. Her crack zombie image probably haunts your nightmares regularly. Tommy Girl and his alien army promise Wino that they can turn her back into that smiley girl with yellow teefs.

The Crackie of Camden reportedly received some kind of phone call from the Scientology Center in Los Angeles. They told Wino they could help her with that whole “being addicted to crack shit” by enrolling her into their Narconon drugs program. Translation: They want her CASH and her ice pop stash. I bet ice pops make Tommy Girl all giddy and shit.

A source told The Mirror, “They told her they wanted to help her beat drugs and could tailor-make a program so she wouldn’t have to go to a residential center. She liked that idea because her husband Blake is out of prison soon and wouldn’t want to be away from him when he’s finally freed.

The program consists of three stages. The first part involves taking a bunch of vitamins. The second part includes a “detox diet” and saunas. Then you have to work through a series of Scientology self-help books. The final stage involves trading your soul and heart in for a memory chip and hard drive. That last part isn’t known to the general public.

Hmmm…would you rather be a brainwashed alien worshiper with Tommy Girl’s permanent shit stain on your nose? Or would you rather be a crackhead? Basically, would you rather have Stepford Katie’s life or Wino’s life? I’d go with the latter. Either way, she’s totally fucked! Daddy Spears, come save this child from the aliens and the crack monsters!

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