I don’t know about you, but I’m hungover like a motherfucker this morning. I can still taste last night’s booze on my gums and I Sonicared my teeth last. I think. Since I feel like Amy Wino’s crackhive after a 3-day bender, the last thing I need to deal with this morning is Brenda Walsh’s piece playing games with us.
How am I supposed to judge if he’s good enough for the eternal teen dream? And Rose McGown in “Jawbreaker” lied when she said Liz is the teen dream. Brenda Walsh will forever be the teen dream. It’s true. That is why her dude needs to take it all off and then do 20 jumping jacks for the cameras. That’s the only way to tell if he’s worthy enough. If the peen flops around like Jessica Simpson’s bobble head, then he’s obviously not strong enough for Brenda. I don’t exactly know what that means, but you get the picture.
You know what? I just realized that the paps are actually following Brenda Walsh around. Hooray! It’s like 1992 again!