Beyonce Always Comes Prepared

October 3, 2008 / Posted by:

Margarita with one lime? CHECK! One of Mrs. Roper’s old scarves? CHECK! The “I‘m too good for this shit” face? CHECK! Five bodyguards? CHECK. Hoooold up. Why does Beyonce need five fucking bodyguards to protect her ass?

Beyonce, Solange is locked up in the basement all week. She can’t get to you to ask for a job or a leftover weave. She can’t bother you.

She probably has three bodyguards on her booty at all times. One is in charge of protecting her enoromous ego. And the other one is there because he’s bald and everyone should have at least one security dude that sort of looks like Steve from “The Jerry Springer Shower.”

And if Beyonce is going to have 5 bodyguards, she could at least hire hot ones. Hot ones who wear matching thong speedos while guarding their client at the beach. You know they hate her ass. The one in the back is thinking, “Why did I quit my security job at Walgreens for this fuckery?

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