Kelly Osbourne Is A Frequent Visitor To The Free Clinic

In her younger days, Kelly Osbourne was a drunk druggie slut who passed her bare vagina around like she was Sienna Miller at a Married Men’s Convention. Kelly says those days are over, but she’s still worried about possibly catching STDs.

She tells the Daily Mail: “Alcohol and drugs impair your judgment. I know it’s because I was drunk that I had unprotected sex. I’m not the kind of person who talks about my sex life, but I’m not afraid to talk about contraception. I go three, maybe four times a year to get tested (for sexually transmitted infections) and most of the time I don’t even need to. I just go for peace of mind.”

Correction: She won’t talk about her sex life unless there’s a reporter in front of her who will publish it in some kind of major paper.

It’s a good thing she gets tested several times a year. I mean, she did use to hang out with Parasite Hilton. I need to head down to the free clinic every time I stare too long at a picture of Wonky McValtrex.

And I’m sure most of those celebrity whores are forced to get checked several times a year. Shit. Wonky McValtrex probably has a lab in her own house. It’s a requirement if she wants to stay off the CDC’s “Most Wanted” list.