ScarJo’s Rack Is Off The Market

September 28, 2008 / Posted by:

These two bitches didn’t waste any time. Ryan Reynolds, 31, and ScarJo, 23, got married in some remote wilderness resort (WTF) outside of Vancouver last night. Remote wilderness resort?! Did the bitch wear berries in her hair and the bunny rabbits were her bridesmaids? Actually, I like that. I want a remote wilderness resort wedding.

Anyshotgunwedding, ScarJo’s rep confirmed the wedding to UsWeekly. In addition to several dozen woodland creatures, guests included her mommy and brother.

The two became engaged last May after dating for about a year.

I bet that Ryan couldn’t stop staring at ScarJo’s magnificent chichis during the ceremony. He probably even said, “I Ryan, take you ScarJo’s chichis to be….” Can you blame him? And ScarJo said, “I ScarJo, take you Ryan’s six pack…

What’s with the rush wedding? She’s knocked up, right? I’m getting excited just thinking about how big those titty balls are going to get if she’s with child. She’s going to knock out Salma Hayek’s record!

And I just want to let ScarJo know that Ryan is thinking of Alanis Morissette when he fucks her. Okay, not really, but I thought I would throw Alanis a sugar cube or something.

P.S. – I give these whores 6-months tops. Sorry, but Ryan will never be ScarJo’s true love…Obama.

Image: Fame

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