Suri Needs A New Doll

I get that kids get attached to certain toys, dolls and other shit. When I was a kid, I had this Cabbage Patch doll who would never leave my side. Over the years, the doll became dirtier and dirtier. His yarn hair fell out and he probably had snot and drool on every inch of his plastic body. If you put my doll under a microscope, you could probably witness a germ orgy. My mom would always try and get rid of it, but I’d scream and cry if it never left my side. Okay, I wasn’t a kid. I was 20. And yes, it still sleeps with me.

Back to Suri. There may be a reason why she’s so in love with that busted doll. Star Magazine reports that Suri doesn’t have any little friends, because Tommy Girl and Katie keep her away from other children. A source said that Katie takes Suri to play at a gym…by herself! The source said: “Suri takes a private class in a room in the back of the gym. I have never seen her play with any of the other kids.” The source also said that when Suri is around other kids, she doesn’t know how to play and she doesn’t like share. What kid does?

Okay, that’s fine and everything, but can’t they get her a prettier doll? That doll needs a Glamour Shots makeover. And while the doll is at it, it should drag Stepford Katie with it. Homebot is starting to look like Shelley Duvall towards the end of “The Shining.”