61-year-old Philip Seaton of Louisville, KY waltzed into an operating room last October to get a circumcision as part of treatment for a medical condition. When Philip woke up after surgery, his foreskin was missing alright, but so was the rest of his peen! The doctor straight-up cut off the dude’s wang! The phrase “not right” was invented for this story.
Philip is suing Dr. John Patterson for chopping off his turtle friend without permission. He is also suing the anesthesiologist, Dr. Oliver James, because Philip claims he did not agree to general anesthesia. He is seeking peenitive…I mean…punitive damages against both doctors.
Dr. Patterson said he amputated Philip’s willy after finding cancer. Philip’s attorney said, “Sometimes you have an emergency and you have to do this, but he could very easily closed him up and said, ‘Here are your options. You have cancer,’ and the family would have said, ‘We want a second opinion. This is a big deal.’” How big of a deal exactly?
This is what I think. The court should decide based on the size of the member. If it was 8.5 inches or more, these doctors should hand over their entire fortunes to Philip and spend the rest of their lives in jail. If it was 6 inches or less, well then…. You know what?! I take that back. Peen is peen! Did Dr. Patterson go to the Lorena Bobbitt School of Surgery?! You just don’t treat dick that way! You wine and dine dick. You take it to the theater and buy it flowers. You don’t fucking hack it off without getting a man’s blessing first!