I’m just going to cut to the cheese with this story. This is Jose Cruz of West Charleston, West Virginia and he was charged with battery after he busted a fart on a police officer and then flamed it in his face. Even worse, it was a drunk fart. Drunk farts always smell like creamed chipped beef and yeast.
It all started when Jose was pulled over because his headlights weren’t on. The police officer arrested him after he failed a few sobriety tests and took him to the police station.
When Jose was being fingerprinted, he lifted his leg and farted loudly on the officer. The violated officer wrote in the complaint notes that Jose then “fanned the air with his hand in front of his rear” onto the cop. The officer went on to write that the gas “was very odorous and created contact of an insulting or provoking nature.” The officers’ notes should be released as a comedy toilet book.
Jose was charged with DUI and also battery for dropping a stink bomb on a policeman. Assault with a stinky weapon.
The officer thinks he had it bad? What about Jose’s innocent chonies? I’m sure they weren’t happy about getting covered in Jose’s ass mousse. That must violate some kind of law.
And somebody needs to show this shit to Tony Romo. The next time Jessica Simpson dutch ovens him, he should know that he has legal options.