CoCo, Don’t Do This Again!

We need to send out a search party for CoCo’s sense of style, because it’s obviously missing. Look at this ordinary and classy shit she wore last night! Is she joking with this demure mess? The dress looks like it costs more than $50. This is not like her. Where’s the elegant and glamorous CoCo I have come to know and adore? This crap belongs on some humdum plain Jane, not on a unique beauty like CoCo. I don’t understand. She’s not even showing off her best feature: her camel toe of dreams! Whenever I see her camel toe, I feel a calmness fall over me. CoCo’s camel toe lets me know that everything is okay in this world. What the fuck am I supposed to do now?

Hopefully, CoCo realizes what she has done and immediately throws that trash dress into the garbage or donates it to a nun or something. I do still have feelings for her. Maybe she wanted to be something she’s not for the “Nights in Rodanthe” premiere. Oh, Coco. Less class, more ass.

Speaking of “Nights in Rodanthe,” why do I really want to see this sappy nonsense? The other day I watched the trailer and I immediately wanted to get wrapped up in Diane Lane and Richard Gere’s doomed romance. When Diane says, “You came along and helped me find those parts of myself I thought I lost forever,” I felt it in my very soul! WTF is wrong with me?! Read this fucking description: “Now, with the storm closing in, the two turn to each other for comfort and, in one magical weekend, set in motion a life-changing romance that will resonate throughout the rest of their lives.” I’m going through the change, right?