Show Me The Full Crackie!

September 16, 2008 / Posted by:

Look! Blaaaaake’s peen is a giant starburst. The Sun posted this naked picture of Blaaaake, but unfortunately they covered up his crackie rod. I spent a good 2-minutes (that’s a long time for me) trying to find the uncensored version, but didn’t have any luck. Amy Wino apparently uploaded the NSFAWLT (not safe for anyone who loves themselves) version to her own Facebook account. And FUCK YES, I want to see it. I ate way too many Kit Kat bars last night, so looking at Blaaake’s shriveled junkie dick would help to bring them back up.

What’s even worse is that The Sun didn’t post the full crackie, but they did say “ANYONE wondering what AMY WINEHOUSE could possibly still see in convicted criminal and druggie hubby BLAKE FIELDER-CIVIL should take a look at the uncensored version of this picture.”

What does that mean? Are they trying to imply that Blaaake’s got an extra large crackie rod? Yeah, fucking right. It probably just looks like a tiny celery stick covered in peanut butter and raisins. Ants on a Log is what we called it in grade school. If his crack cock was on the large side, that starburst would have to be bigger.

He sort of looks like a trailer trash baboon taking a caca in his paws. That being said, show me the full crackie! My eyes can take it! I mean, I’ve seen the Mini-Me sex tape, which means I can handle anything!

In other Blaaaake news, he won’t be released from the chokey early, because he refuses to go back to his mom’s house. The court was going to release him before Christmas if he agreed to live with his mother instead of the Crackie of Camden. Blaaake refused, so now he’ll be celebrating the birth of the Baby Jesus behind bars. A source said: “It was all set for him to be released, but he refused to go to anywhere other than Camden. He doesn’t want to go somewhere where he can’t be reunited with Amy and his friends. He’d rather stay inside.”

Maybe that’s why Wino uploaded this naked picture of Blaaaake? She wanted to punish us all for Blaaake not getting out early.

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