Pat Hates Lara

September 16, 2008 / Posted by:

After Pat O’Brien went “crazy, did some coke, had a threesome” and then went to rehab, “The Insider” demoted him as the main host of the show. Lara Spencer now hosts that shit and Pat isn’t happy about it. Page Six reports that Pat sent off an e-mail to several staff members claiming Lara is making viewers sick, because she only cares about stupid shit like fashion. Pat cares about important things like helping the poor and saving the world.

In his e-mail, Pat writes:

Hi, folks, I just spent a couple of days in Iowa – I’m a little bit of a favorite son there – and I spoke with maybe a thousand people and was very hands-on. Even Joe Biden said, ‘You should be running (for president)!’ But what I came away with was, these people can’t afford gas, books, food or schools or movies!

I was approached a hundred times by people asking, ‘Can you help us?’ I tried to tell them we care, but they didn’t buy it. They wanted to, but watching Anya and Lara [Spencer] pick out accessories makes the viewers want to vomit. I’ll get killed for this, but I’m actually the one not afraid for my job. I want people to be happy.”

A source said that Pat is jealous of Lara, because she has his job. Pat shrugged off those claims and explained his e-mail: “I’m trying to create a discourse. The American people want honesty. I just raged against the machine. We can change the world.”

We don’t want honesty! If we did, we would move to another planet. We want to know about accessories and fashion!!!!!!!

You know, someone should really do a documentary on all those talking robots who host entertainment news shows. I’m convinced that these people have fucked up lives. They are way too robotic and medicated to be normal. They only know how to keep it together on camera, but completely lose it behind the scenes.

In my mind, Lara is a mega bitch who hoards used yogurt cups in her dressing room. Victoria Recano is a germaphobe who is obsessed with plucking her pubic hairs. Billy Bush like to tie rope around his peen while watching “Everybody Loves Raymond” re-runs. He has a thing for Doris Roberts. Seriously, I bet these people are effed up! Even more effed up than us!

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