Wino Didn’t Show Up To Her Own Birthday Party

September 15, 2008 / Posted by:

The Crackie of Camden was at home, getting ready for her birfday party, when she wiped the crack dust away from her mirror, took a good look at herself and realized she was too fugly to leave the house. That’s what The Sun claims anyway.

Wino’s friends and family, including Mark Ronson, Adele and her mommy, gathered at London’s Jazz After Dark club on Saturday night for her party, but she never showed. Three cabs were called to take Wino to her party, but they were all sent away. A friend said: “Amy was standing in front of the mirror telling everyone how rough she looked. She kept saying she was ugly and was in an awful state. They couldn’t get her out.” Um… this first time she’s looked in the mirror in the past year?

Everyone waited at her party until 2am. When they were told Wino wasn’t going to show, her mother broke down in tears. Does Wino’s mommy even know her own daughter? There’s always a 50/50 shot Wino is going to show up. With Wino, you can’t put all your coke in one line. That doesn’t really make sense, but it’s still early for me.

Wino’s friends should have put their dumb dumb heads together and come up with a way to get her to the party. I would’ve told her ass that the balloons were filled with nitrous and the cake was made out of meth and ice pops. Homecrackie, would’ve put a paper bag over her head and ran right over!

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