Sulu Is A Married Pepaw

71-year-old George Takei married his 54-year-old partner Brad Altman in Los Angeles yesterday evening. The two oldies have been together for 21 years. If you still want to look at the same pair of saggy prune sacks after 21 years, then it must be true love.

200 of George and Brad’s (like Clooney & Pitt) friends and family helped celebrate their new union. George’s “Star Trek” co-stars, Nichelle Nichols and Walter Koenig, served as maid of sexy and best man. Nichelle told People, “I was fighting back the tears. But they came oozing out anyway. I’m so happy that they’re both able to legally proclaim their commitment to one another after spending the past 21 years together.” I want a gay wedding just so Nichelle Nichols can show up and “ooze” tears.

Before making it legal, George said to reporters in his cashmere-on-velvet voice, “Live long and prosper!”

He never gets sick of saying that, does he? Maybe he can’t even help it. He’s said it so many times in his lifetime that it’s etched in his brain and won’t wash away. He probably says it like 300 times a day. It’s the first thing he says in the morning and the last thing he says at night. His new husband has learned to drown that shit out.

I shouldn’t joke. That’s going to be me in a few years. My stupid lingo is going to stick with me until my dying days and I won’t be able to help it. In 50 years, when I’m sitting in the retirement home with a hot cup of Ensure next to me, I’m going randomly blab about “memaws, chicken cutlets, lucite and no-no holes.” If this happens, just pass me the bowl of Werther’s Originals and ignore me for the rest of the day.

Anyoldgay, congrats to these two pepaws! May the rest of their days be filled with love, Metamucil, Icy Hot and caramel squares! Wait, do you think that pepaw gays use Icy Hot instead of lube? I mean, it kills two birds with one stone….so to speak.