Sausage Attacker On The Loose!

September 11, 2008 / Posted by:

Antonio Vasquez Jr.,the man who hit a dude in the face and head with his 8-inch pork sausage, has been released from jail! Antonio was arrested after he stole $900 from a house then attacked one dude with his sausage and rubbed spices in the face of another. Silent movie foolery!

FresnoBee reports that he’s been released because there was not enough evidence to press charges. The 8-inch sausage in question was gobbled up by some slutty dog before the cops could get to it!

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to travel to Fresno today for um….business…yeah…business reasons. Once I get there, I’m going to be really tired, so I’ll have to take a nap on the front porch of a house. And I like the fresh smell of oranges when I nap, so the house will be near an orange orchard. I’ll also be a little hungry when I wake up from my nap, so I’m going to leave a 10-inch pork sausage (yes, it’s like that) on the kitchen counter. NOT in the fridge. I like my pork sausage at room temperature.

Did you get all of that, Antonio?

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