Lil’ Wayne Has Something To Hide

Lil’ Wayne was supposed to perform at Fashion Rocks in NYC on Friday night, but his performance was axed because he refused to go through security. Page Six reports that he showed up on time with only one bag in his hand, but refused a security check. Everyone else went through the check, so they really couldn’t make an exception.

A source said, “But he wouldn’t budge and refused to have his bag searched or have a security wand passed over him. Then he started getting abusive: ‘I don’t need your [bleeping] show – I’m leaving if you make me do this.’ So he had to leave, I mean, who knows what was in that bag?”

What word do you think was bleeped? I’m thinking that Lil’ Wayne wouldn’t use “fucking.” That’s too cliche. I’ll say “goshdarnit.” Goshdarnit show! I’m sure that’s considered a curse word in some households.

Lil’ Wayne got back in his car and left. A few minutes later, his management called the Fashion Rocks bitches and begged them to let him perform. His managers were told that a 7pm slot was open for him. The source went on to say, “The next thing you know, Wayne’s people are saying, ‘Can we do a bit later. He’s not going to be ready.’ We had a crew of 250 people waiting for him . . . Then he calls at, like, 9:30 and says, ‘I’m five blocks away,’ which is like 500 blocks away in New York traffic, so we just pulled the plug. It was just so disrespectful to the crew and to the 5,000 audience members. Unbelievable.”

Lil’ Wayne didn’t perform and the world kept spinning. But what was in that bag? You know, Lil’ Wayne did wear a red hanky in his right pocket during the VMAs on Sunday. According to The Gay Hanky Code, this means he loves a greasy fist up his caca slide. So maybe his bag was filled with KY, Crisco, ribbed latex gloves, a fisting dildo, extra large beads and anus lip clamps.

Or maybe the bag contained a pair of pants that actually fit? That would destroy his reputation as an expert saggy pants wearer.