DJ Fatman Scoop had the right idea while NOT dressing for the VMAs yesterday. Why bother dressing up for that shit? All you have to do is put on a pair of dirty chonies, a wife beater, your favorite chanklas and you’re good to fucking go. DJ Fatman probably didn’t even rub out the skidmark stains from his boxers. This is why he was the best dressed bitch of the night.
While going through the pictures from last night, I was majorly disappointed with the fashion choices. Everybody tried to look classy. The VMAs are about as classy as a Spears wedding reception. I wanted to see some nip slips, dick slips, tampon string slips and there wasn’t any of that! I miss the VMAs of the 90s. Now those whores knew how to dress. Here’s some of my favorites from last night (but that’s not saying much):
Solange – She would’ve made this list no matter what. But thankfully she once again wore something she made during craft hour in the basement. Pier 1 must have had a clearance sale on placements.
Slash & his wife – I’m pretty sure Slash never takes off this outfit, so he doesn’t really count. It’s his wife that really turned out for the occasion. She’s covering her nose because her dress smells like crusty sperm, chunky panty pudding, cocoa butter and boiled roast beef. It smells that way because she found it in the dumpster behind a SFV strip club.
Ciara – This ho came prepared. She obviously knew RiRi was not going to lip-synch. Soundproof wig!
Xtina – If Donatella Versace and Morticia Addams rubbed coochies, this is what would come squirting out of them!
Tyga – You can never go wrong with a bedazzled Garfield.