Ho Sit Down

September 8, 2008 / Posted by:

During the amazingly horrific crap fiesta known as the MTV VMAs, the low-rent Ugly Betty aka Jordin Sparks, defended promise (or purity) rings. Earlier in the night, host Russell Brand told a few stupid jokes about the Jonas Brothers and their purity rings. It wasn’t a big deal, but Jordin was offended.

Before presenting an award with John Legend, she said: “I just have one thing to say about promise rings. It’s not bad to wear a promise ring. Because not everybody – guy or girl – wants to be a slut.”

Yes, Jordan is right. If you wear a purity ring, your genitals will forever be pure, fresh and innocent. If you don’t wear one, you are a major slut whose genitals will soon fall off from all of the sins it’s committed. Hey, works for me.

Seriously, this is why you must stick with the words on the teleprompter. If it’s not written for you, don’t fucking say it. I know what she meant, but it came out wrong. She ended up dissing the sluts. Even John gave her the reverse side-eye.

It’s war, Low-Rent Ugly Betty! Sienna Miller and I are terribly offended, but we’ll get over it by fucking the pain away. That’s how sluts deal with shit.

Sluts of the world unite!

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