Carrie Underwears and magical dolphin person Michael Phelps have planned their first date. The two haven’t met, but started texting each other after Michael heard Carrie thinks he’s “cute.” Off topic: Can someone please make Carrie an appointment to the optometrist. It’s time for a check-up.
Anychinfuckers, a source told The National Enquirer (via PopCrunch) that Michael doesn’t want their first date to involve any eating. WTF. He apparently wrote to Carrie, “I’m not so sure you’d want to see me eat! It might not make a great first impression.” Not see him eat?! What the hell kind of first date is that? Eating is the only thing I do on the first date and I’m not talking about food.
The source also said that Carrie is a little hesitant to start dating again. “Carrie needs someone who is going to stick by her. She was devastated when her relationship with Tony Romo broke. The last thing she needs is a relationship with another high-profile celebrity who’s going to end up loving and leaving her.” Who said anything about a relationship?! Just take a ride on his dolphin fin and leave it at that.
It’s best if she just leaves it at that and uses plenty of protection! Can you imagine these two reproducing? Carrie would pop out Rumer Willis’ chin.