I have to write this really fucking fast, because I want to catch the next dingy to Austria! You see, Dreamboat Doherty is going to premiere one his crackie home movies at a porn theater in Graz, Austria. Dreamy’s friend said that some of his movie is “very revealing.”
The theater’s owner said that Dreamy’s private footage will be screened tonight. I’d like to privately screen Dreamy’s footage, if I ain’t being too subtle! I’m sure I would lose my tongue on contact, but that’s ok. Sometimes your tongue just gets in the way of really going to town. Besides, I’ll have a valid excuse when I say to a stranger, “Hey mith! I ike your puss.”
The theater owner said, “It is private material from Pete Doherty that he filmed by himself. He said he wanted to show it. I have no idea what is in it though or how long it is. It will be a surprise.” Oh, I can imagine how long it is… Wait, does he even have one anymore? Or did the crack eat it off? That’s ok. I’ll suck on the stump.
It’s unclear whether or not Dreamy is going to show up. Who knows with that crackhead. The theater will also provide barf bags, industrial strength eye bleach, towelettes provided by Hazmat and steel blindfolds.