One Big Happy Family

August 26, 2008 / Posted by:

I’ve decided for myself that Pill-Poppin’ Abdul and the new chick hate each other. HATE each other. Like a “I think about opening a hot curling iron in your asshole” kind of hate. I don’t know this for a fact, but it’s the only way I can accept the new chick. Look at Paula. If she wasn’t Robitrippin so hard, she’d slap the new chick with her good hand. Her other hand is always numb from all ze Vicodin. And the new chick is softly praying to herself, “Please help me find a way to not whip this crackie’s ass. I just got this job!

Here’s the new and maybe-improved “American Idol” family at the NYC audition today. Simon Cowell’s manchichis are looking so perky. I bet he has some duct tape holding up those things.

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