Michael Lohan Is Engaged (But It’s Not Official)

August 26, 2008 / Posted by:

Michael Lohan has confirmed to E! that he’s engaged, but it’s not official. Yeah, what?! Michael asked his longtime girlfriend Erin Muller to be his wife, but he’s not ready to announce anything. The man is not good in the brains. Fucking White Oprah is bad for your mental health.

Michael said, “We picked out a ring, but it’s not official.” He said they will officially announce their engagement when “some family issues are resolved.” He doesn’t realize what he’s saying. Somebody please pack Michael a paper bag lunch and immediately put his dumb ass on the short bus.

The family issues Michael is talking about have to do with his father’s health. He’s also waiting to find out if he’s the father of 13-year-old Ashley Kaufman. The paternity test results still have not come in. I don’t know why they went through the trouble of getting a DNA test. They could have just asked Ashley what 1 +1 is. If she said, “HUH?” then we know she’s related to Michael.

Michael, being the mega famewhore that he is, also talked to E! about SamRo. He said, “People like Samantha Ronson don’t need to be around Lindsay. She shouldn’t be dragging Lindsay around nightclubs. Who was Samantha Ronson before Lindsay Lohan? She was nobody. She is using her for her own gain. All these people have inserted themselves into her life like parasites, and it’s not right. I’m done with them.” Again. Put him on the short bus NOW! Words are coming out of his mouth, but he has no idea what he’s saying. Who’s calling who a fucking user?

And Erin needs to take a good look at the cell phone strapped to Michael’s waist. That says it all.

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