10 Minutes Of Torture

August 26, 2008 / Posted by:

When I was like 12 or 13, my friends and I would spend our weekends making our own music videos in the garage with my mom’s camcorder. Our stupid videos were only entertaining to us. I showed my mom once and she said, “That’s nice. Don’t break the camera.” Well, Heidi Montag’s new video makes my old shit look like the Citizen Kane of music videos. And my garage was nicer than her bootleg set.

I joked that her video was paid for with a creampie, a half-filled bottle of Valtrex and a taint shine from Spencer. They paid too much. The fucking shit music doesn’t even line up with the video. I know this is supposed to be a joke, but I’m not laughing.

I even watched all 10 minutes! It sort of has the look of a 1980s porn/snuff film, so I was hoping someone was going to pop out with a chainsaw at any moment.

I really don’t hate you. I don’t. I loves you. I just needed someone to go on this rollercoaster of torture with me. You’ll forgive me later. Look on the bright side! If you watch all 10-minutes of this tarded horsey show, your boss might let you go home sick. Just tell them, “I watched the Heidi Montag video.” Your boss will understand.

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