Faith Evans, the widow of Biggie Smalls, has an autobiography coming out this Friday and in it she talks about how she used to deal with being cheated on over and over again. Instead of taking revenge out on Biggie by maxing out his credit cards and emptying his checking accounts, Faith handled it the old-fashioned way. She writes, “I thought maybe kicking some ass would get the word out that chicks better think twice before messing with my husband.”
Faith would even go so far as to get on a plane just to beat the skank out of a bitch. She writes that she once caught the red-eye to Virginia and found a girl in his hotel room. “I jumped on top of her and started beating her ass . . . ‘Yo, Ma you need to chill!’ Big said, ‘I didn’t even fuck her!’ I mashed her in the face and then kicked her. ‘Yeah, well, you should have,’ I said.” Well, I guess that’s one way of handling the situation. I probably would have ordered room service and watched pay-per-view, but that’s just me.
She sometimes didn’t even bother doing her research! When she found a picture and phone number of some ho in Biggie’s car, she found out where the chick lived, showed up and delivered “a brief but thorough beat-down.”
Faith’s legendary beat downs weren’t solely for no-name sluts either. In her book, she writes about how she broke into Biggie’s apartment, found him in bed with some bitch and then proceeded to fuck her up. The bitch turned out to be Lil’ Kim. “I grabbed some chick out of the bed and started beating her ass. At some point, the chick’s wig came off in my hand: It was a short, cropped wig. I stopped throwing punches for a minute to get a good look at the chick I was beating up. It Lil’ Kim. She was completely butt-naked, yelling as I pushed her around the room. ‘So you’re not fucking her, right?’ I screamed at Big. ‘Yeah, you not messing with her anymore right?’”
Fuck! Think of all the time and energy Faith spent on beating bitches asses. She didn’t even have to work out back then, because she burned calories from whipping whores. And you know Biggie loved that shit. He probably sat back and imagined them in bikinis.
I’m too lazy for that shit. Why bother exerting yourself on some stupid skank when you can just sneak Nair into her conditioner and switch her diet pills with laxatives. I mean, who wants to fuck a bald-headed ho with a bad case of shitty ass? Well, Tommy Girl does, but he doesn’t count.