What in Clay Gayken hell is this shit all about?! Ricky Martin’s publicist has confirmed that he’s the father of twin boys! This came out of nowhere!
Ricky’s new babies were born a few weeks ago with a little help from a surrogate mother and a turkey baster. You know Gayken is sitting somewhere, rocking his new baby, rolling his eyes and saying, “Girl, please! Don’t try it!”
Ricky’s spokeswhore issued this statement: “The children, delivered via gestational surrogacy, are healthy and already under Ricky’s full-time care. Ricky is elated to begin this new chapter in his life as a parent and will be spending the remainder of the year out of the public spotlight in order to spend time with his children.”
Um…hasn’t he been out of the public spotlight for at least 5 years? Seriously, babies are just popping out left and right! This is obviously the thing to do. Maybe I should get one of those baby things? Naw. I don’t like baby vomit in my martinis.
Congrats to Ricky! I can’t wait to hear what he named them. If he didn’t name one of them “Escandalo,” I’m going to slap him with a rubber vagina. And you know that shit would gross him out.