Marriage Ruins Everything

August 19, 2008 / Posted by:

Chris Kattan and his new wife, model Sunshine Tutt, have split up after only 8 weeks of marriage. Okay, let’s talk about her name first. Sunshine Tutt?! I don’t like that shit. Let’s call her Sunny Titts instead. That’s better.

Chris’ spokesbitch told UsWeekly that the two are “separated for the moment. No plans for divorce at this time.” Sunny Titts and Chris married in California on June 28th after dating for 3 years. They got engaged in 2006.

I’m fucking telling you. Marriage kills everything! Every time a couple is married, a baby bunny dies a painful death. I’m sure of it. Look at Chris and Sunny Titts! They date for 3 long years, get married and two months later – DONE!

Oh, I see what’s going on here. Look at Sunny Titts’ face in the picture above. She’s thinking, “Ahahaha! This fairy monkey actually married me! I’ll be rich in exactly 8 weeks!” That warms my black heart. I love it when a gold digger almost completes her mission. I say “almost,” because we don’t know if there was a prenup. If Sunny Titts signed one, she’s dead to me!

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