Rumer With A Big Hairy Tumor

August 15, 2008 / Posted by:

Fuckity fuck! Tater Head almost has me feeling sorry for her spud-looking ass (and chin). She’s taking advantage of me when I’m feeling ill! In this week’s Page Six Magazine, Rumer said she got “screwed” in the name department. She should add “looks” to the departments she got screwed in.

Tater Head said, “My sisters, Scout and Talullah, had cute nicknames. When I was 12 and had crushes on guys, I’d put my first name with their last name, but it never sounded right. Rumer Depp? Nope. In school, kids would sing, ‘Rumer, Rumer with a big hairy tumor.’ ” I take it back. I don’t feel sorry for her, but I do thank her for giving me a new song to sing while I’m making tater tots. And what’s this “hairy tumor” the kids are talking about? Oh shit. I bet you her chin sprouts hair like a Chia Pet!

Tater also said she was surprised to learn she was chosen as one of People Magazine’s Most Beautiful (cough, cough) People, She said, “After being compared to Jay Leno for so long, you don’t think of yourself in that way.” Ugh. Back to feeling sorry for her. Don’t cry, Tater. Wait, do you think she cries potato vodka? If that’s the case, she’s my new best friend.

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